Lost…

meg beach

I was thinking for a long time on how to start off this blog, and what to write, and what would be interesting for people to read, just thinking and thinking, and it brought me to the thought that it is SO crazy that I’m at 20 years of age, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life, or which path to follow. 

Its such a strange thought if you think a lot into it, (like I tend to do) that we cannot see the future and more often that not end up going down paths we never thought we would. This got me to thinking further about writing a blog. I have a “ramblings” book that I often write thoughts and random feelings into, but I thought, why not make it into a blog and see if people can relate? I have always wanted to write one, but I was never sure which direction it should go, I could never think of one specific idea. But the idea is this, I have absolutely no idea what I truly want in my life, and I want to find out.

That’s the truth. I know I want so many different things from life, but when I think about it over and over, I can never quite answer the question that often pops into my head of “How am I going to make a difference to this world?” or “What will truly bring me the most joy, more than anything else?” 

Truthfully, I feel I would be the happiest person in the world if i could just bum around and pick strawberries from fields and travel and surf and take photos and just enjoying being free. But of course, that can only be the case if you have an unlimited amount of cash, which I unfortunately do not. It then occurred to me that I love to write.
Even in my spare time if i could just get out my thoughts, and “find myself” (cheesy) along the way then that would clear up everything for me. I suppose you find yourself through train of thought and reflection right? I don’t know.

But it has been a over playing thought in my mind recently and I need to figure out where I’m heading and where I want to be – to be completely and utterly content with my life.
I mean, I’d like to say I’m very happy with my life so far. I’m at the prime of my life, I have the best group of friends, a supportive family, I have my boyfriend who I love to bits, and I go to University in Aberdeen in Scotland studying media, so I feel I have a lot going for me and a lot to be grateful for. But I sometimes look at people who have done these great things, and I wonder how they have been so inspired to do what they have done, some of them younger than me, and it makes me wonder what that one special thing is that I can do that’s different from every one else.

I suppose a lot of people of 20 something can relate to this, even at older ages, people are still wondering what that one thing is that makes them shine out over others. Some people can sing and decide to pursue that, or can play an instrument and join a band, or are very athletic and join a team, but I often find myself sitting here like, I want to do all of these things, why am I not doing them?

I always find myself saying “Oh, I really need to teach myself Spanish” or “Oh, I really want to learn how to play the violin” but never find myself properly pursuing it and wind up in the same spot again – wishing I was pursuing them all. This is why I really need to figure out what I really want and what I feel so passionately about that its the only thing I want to do.
So this is what made me apply for study abroad, and so far I feel it has been the best decision i have ever made. I am currently sitting writing this in Vancouver, Canada, and it was the first time I have ever decided to properly sit down and type what comes into my mind.

I decided that getting out of my comfort zone in Aberdeen would give me that push and make me truly seek out what it is that I want to do, and what I have been brought into this world for. I mean, I’m here without my family, without my friends, without my boyfriend, and to be honest, totally disconnected from the life I have in Aberdeen. I feel I can be free to be who I want and do what I want, and experiment with new ideas and experience new cultures. 

I study Media, so I suppose I can say my real passion is all things like documentary, photography, reading, film and of course I love to write. I brought my camera over here to potentially start a documentary of my life here in Canada and keep it as a souvenir for myself because without it, I would forget a heap of the stuff I’ve seen and done, and who knows, I could really start enjoying filming out of it. 

Basically, I want this time to free my mind (as lame as that sounds), to enjoy my surroundings, to record and write down on here anything I feel inspires me, moves me, changes my mind, I will write down if I have done something I regret, or something that’s made me happy and proud, or any new ideas I have, and hopefully within it all, I will calm my frantic 20 year old mind, relax, and find own unique path.

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One thought on “Lost…

  1. gillian murphy mchugh

    They often say that ‘youth is wasted on the young’ because when you are so young inexperience shapes your thinking and external influences send you down certain routes. At 20 I wanted to change the world, to make it better, safer, more interesting but convention took over in the form of career, mortgage, family, children and I look back at 55 and wonder did I ever make a difference or significant contribution to the world. It is often out of our hands where are lives go, too many choices. If I had my time again I would choose the road less traveled, the un-trodden paths lead to far more interesting places and people. Travelling is the way to see the world. Go for it and don’t get shackled by convention!!

    Like

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